I wish I only lived at night.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
