tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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