so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
