and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
