i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
