i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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