Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
