my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
