I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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