Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
