I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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