I'm going to jail i love you
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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