cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
