I want to make a zoo with you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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