My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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