Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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