I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
