there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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