Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
