I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
