I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
