I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
