His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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