I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
