i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
