halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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