How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
