He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
