thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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