He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
