He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
