five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
