hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
