did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
