We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i would one night stand the shit outta him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
