Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
