that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
