closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
