Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So apparently I’m into choking now
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
