Umm I'm too high to move.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
