Im at strip club and am horny
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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