Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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