he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
