this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
