I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
