As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
