there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
