i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
