You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
