hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
