I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
